Reframing Failure

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Milena (00:58): Hello everyone, and welcome to the Venusian Womb podcast. So for this episode, this is actually an impromptu bonus episode that we just decided last minute that we were going to add to our series of episodes and transmission unfoldings. But for this one, it is inspired by our opening call for opening up the dream field which we are going to get into in a little bit of a story time. But before even diving into that. As you guys know, this is the season A Dream in Gestation and this whole podcast unfolding is really truly gestating with us in real time. So in this gestation period we've come to realize that we are actually going to be filming much more than 13 episodes.

And we've put 13 episodes in our trailer and we may have said it in the first episodes that you've watched, but I do want to share that we will be having much more episodes than 13. We will be doing some kind of bonus calls that are not based off of any particular framework that we've pre-planned for this room journey that we're taking you guys through, but it's really also just kind of in real time, what is the wisdom and the lesson that's coming through as we are also currently this stage of gestation. So yeah, Meaghan, do you want to add anything to our announcement?

Meaghan (02:26): I do. And I think it's silly that Milena and I, we had this framework and we were really excited about this plan. This plan that we were ready to stick to, to the end of time. And every single circle or event or journey we've ever gone through has always been a present in the moment thing. So the fact that we were trying to record these episodes weeks in advance of when they were really going to be released. We're noticing how that actually takes away the essence of the embodiment of what we're trying to do here.

So it was very silly that we were trying to record these themes four or five months in advance of when they were actually going to be released and then talked about in the collective because then we technically would no longer be moving through that energy. So as much as we're still going to hold the 13 episodes we had planned, we do want to make them into this programming. They might not show up in the order we planned. We're really allowing for more flexibility and fluidity in how these episodes are going to appear.

You're we're going to get to record them and you're going to get to listen to them. Then we're going to have so many practices and embodiment tools to move through those particular energies that will be dropped into the collective as we go through this. Hence, as we're in the gestation with you, this is going to be a messy plan, not a standard way of doing this and hosting this. There's going to be changes along the way, so bear with us and enjoy the ride because it's definitely a ride, it's a journey.

Milena (04:03): Yep, this is a testament to the process of gestation and also to just the surrender, the surrender in redirecting kind of where you're initially taking steps forward and also trusting, trusting in the ways that the creative process is also guiding you and showing you and listening. So we are going to get into our story time of what inspired this particular episode and I think I'm going to leave it to you, Meaghan to bring us into our story of this whole framing.

Meaghan (04:37): Okay. I want to name first the feelings that are present in exposing this. It feels very tender. I'm feeling that embarrassment. There's a bit of humiliation. There's sadness. There's anger. And there's frustration. It's like a whole jumble of feelings. It's a soup. It's a soup of feelings that Milena and I have recently navigated through. So, two nights ago, as we're recording this, this is probably going to be launched in a week from now. So whenever you're listening to this, about a week ago, we had our opening call for "Opening the Dream Field" and opening this season that we were really excited about.

Milena (05:05): Soup.

Meaghan (05:33): Oh, there's shame here too because I'm not even able to look at myself or look at you in the camera right now.

Milena (05:39): And can I just can I just add like a little side moment is that our inner child were so excited to be able to actually bring this mission forward and to be able to support people in their dreams and like witnessing each other's dreams and weaving together and just That for us is play like truly This is how we play when we are together and just being able to open that up to a greater field, to more people bringing their intention and their energy to that just just that moment in that practice so yeah just wanted to say that there is like this inner child as well that like yeah really wanted to be in that. 

Meaghan (06:23): Mm-hmm. Was an exciting, something we were looking forward to. It was excitement. And we were, we prepared for our call. We talked about it and then it comes Friday, we jump on the call and no one shows up. Let's take a breath there.

Milena (06:41): Dun dun dun. Hmm.

Meaghan (06:48): And I can notice my own performance and coming in and wanting to be like, it's okay. Everything was good. We, cause even when it happened, we're like, that's fine. No problem. Let's just jump into taking this opportunity to create content. Let's create content. Let's avoid all the feelings. Let's make this productive because we're feeling like failures. We're feeling like frauds. We're feeling like what the frick are we doing? Not good. Our worthiness wound was hit so hard.

Milena (06:58): Let's create content right now. Let's this be a productive call.

Meaghan (07:16): Why aren't we good enough? Like, we did all of this work and we're not good enough. And it was a really tough pill to swallow, to sit in, especially because we tried to avoid all the feelings at first. We really were just like, I was like, let's jump in. We even tried to record a lecture and I was just, I was in tantrum. And it's so funny when I'm in tantrum, like I cannot fake it. There's no faking it till you make it when I'm tantruming. My face.

Milena (07:18): Stabbed. No.

Meaghan (07:44): Looks pissed off and Milena was like carrying the show. I'm just sitting there like I don't this is stupid like why are we even doing this like I was angry. It was very visible, so instead of continuing to try to force something to control this dream, we took time to be like "Okay, how are we actually feeling right now?"

This has nothing like we love all of you who listen and show up to our events. For those who said they were coming, like that is okay. Also are, we're really learning. This is a big opportunity to reframe. And anyways, we're going to get to that, but we wanted to really just sit with the disappointment, all the feelings, the embarrassment, the anger, the grief, the worthiness that was, yeah, like Milena said, stabbed, carved and like twisted.

And we let ourselves sit in that discomfort together. We tantrumed. And we really tantrumed. We allowed ourselves to say all the things we were thinking. And we gave full permission that, listen, we both unhinged thoughts, unhinged actions, unhinged behaviours.

Milena (08:45): Really. Even the most unhinged thoughts.

Meaghan (08:59): But we also told ourselves, we know that we don't mean this. This is just that we need to give space, a container for these feelings to be expressed so that we can move past this. And we took that time of the opening call to tantrum and to tantrum hard. We let our inner child let it all out.

This is stupid. Why are we even doing this? What's the point of any of it? This doesn't make any sense. We're wasting our time. We're wasting our energy. All the things that wanted to come out that needed to be spoken to, especially in that moment that we were trying to pretend we're not there, we gave them space to be. And in this entire process, we've realized that this is part of the dream. Hitting these moments of people are not gonna show up all the time. Usually we showed up and that's amazing. And we showed up with some really big feelings that needed to be felt, needed to be actually experienced. And in that allowing ourselves to move through it to tantrum, there was more space in our bodies.

We started to feel a bit more expansive. The resistance, all that disappointment when we felt the disappointment created space, okay, then what's available here? What is actually happening here? And like, why? Maybe like, instead of just like putting in shape, feeling all that shame towards ourselves, if we did wrong, we're bad, or we're not good enough, be like, okay, let's stop judging.

Let's put the judgment aside for a second and let's reframe this as to why? Okay, this is a Saturday night. People are maybe not gonna show up. No, it was a Friday night, not a Saturday. A Friday night. And it was at six o'clock and Milena brought a very good point. Well, people finish work at five. The chances of them gonna be wanting to like rush home and get on a call at six o'clock. Pretty freaking slim. So we started.

Milena (10:40): Friday night.

Meaghan (10:55): Reality checking ourselves and noticing that ⁓ we have we when we get excited about launching something I don't think we really fully think it through just yet and think about all the little logistics of how This might actually be the best to launch this where I mean we were trying to launch a website a collective a podcast an opening call all in the span of the same week delusional.

Milena (11:18): We're crazy. We are delusional. And there is merit and beauty in that. And I also want to add that, in all of this, if we hadn't gone through this experience, I feel we would have missed out on certain pieces of wisdom that became clear when we allowed space for our feelings to be felt. For us to like really truly be in just what was, what was in experiencing that moment and the anticipation of that moment. Also, just within that, within that space, being able to really, truly, I think just sit in the contemplation of what failure actually is.

Failure, in my perspective, has always been something that I've seen as a weakness and just like a reflection of your value or your skill in something. And it's so humbling to just kind of be a beginner in something new and have a beginner's mind and just kind of go into it and to allow yourself to be messy and just getting that. Perfectionism and that critic out of the way to be able to be present with just that newness, this new territory.

I feel like when we're able to actually sit with failure, this is when we can actually open ourselves up to being more of a beginner and to trying new things and to having the curiosity to be able to step into our dreams openly and wholeheartedly and to give ourselves to the process and knowing that when you love something and you're creating from this place of deep love and care and expression of yourself, it's coming from within yourself, it's gonna be something that it's gonna feel tender when it's not received by the people that you would want it to be received by, or just like to be seen, to be shared, and to be witnessed.

And it's really just part of that process of refining that value that you see within your creation, and also refining the strength of your vision of what is your why, and why are you bringing this dream forward? And this is something that, in sitting with why are we doing this, what's the point of this, and just... allowing that to be expressed even though that's not our full truth It's just a part of what was present in that moment and a part of what is in this like greater tapestry of who we are and what's present within ourselves in this whole inner universe.

It's like that's a part of it and that needs to have expression and to be like held and witnessed and also released. And it's in that process where it connects you back to your why. It's like the why am I doing this? Why am I putting energy to nurture something that I feel so deeply within myself holds value that I am meant to share that is moving through me.

And it's like in that in that sitting with that, like in that contemplation that arises from failure, this is where we're really able to just come back into alignment with our why, with our heart, with what's driving us. And that's also something that can kind of be this fuel to the fire within you. From this place of intensity because I care, how can I readjust? How can I collect data? How can I create something that has wisdom and value from this space? And like for us, it's coming on here and recording this podcast episode right now, because failure is something that is inevitable. It's inevitable in the process of creation. It's inevitable in the process of bringing your dream into reality, especially when you are trailblazing your own path.

When you don't have all of these points of references around you of how can you bring your dream forward in the world and where can you derive support from? It's like you really got to be in it in the way, trusting that the way knows the way, trusting that the path will present itself to you as you take steps forward and along that path are the people that are meant to support you.

It's the opportunities that are meant to find you. It's the lessons and experiences that you have to go through to be able to even truly embodied in an embodied way, understand these lessons that are going to support you as you bring your dream forward in all of these moments of adversity and challenge and doubt and fear and hardship. These are the moments that make you stronger and refine your why and allow you to really, truly commit and dig deeper for something that is valuable.

Meaghan (16:06): As you were speaking, the thing I just had in my head is in this space when we were in this disappointment and feeling all that, we came back to this mantra. So we were realizing we really feel, we feel like failures right now. And we just spoke out loud a couple of times.

Yes, we feel like we're if we fail, I think it was this isn't failure. This is just the feeling that we care. And we said that multiple times. And allowing ourselves to like really feel into how much we care about this, which is why we're feeling so shitty about it, not manifesting the way we desired or hoped. Excuse me. And that was a really grounding statement that we used as we were moving through these feelings and this energy and also realizing how

There is a big part of both of us. I mean, I'll speak for me, I don't want to speak for you, but I think that we're both experiencing the same thing, that our worthiness is still tied to our accomplishments, to our successes, to the things that we achieve. when it doesn't, it's not perceived that we're achieving it. That's a really big blow to our self-confidence, our self-esteem and just the worth and the value.

That's why we had to focus on our why, focus on why are we doing this? Why is this valuable to us, not to anyone else, because at the end of the day it really doesn't matter if anyone shows up or not, because we believe in this work so much that we're gonna keep showing up even if no one shows up, because we get so much value out of it and we love doing this. We didn't love doing it then, that was part of the tantrum, we didn't love doing it in that moment, but in the greatest

Milena (17:41): Okay. But in the whole process.

Meaghan (17:47): The whole process, and this is part of the process. This is part of gestating the dreams. This is part of when you have something so big, a vision, something you want to bring into this world, it's not going to be daisies and butterflies and unicorns. The path is not going to look straight. It's going to be a spiral. It's going to go up and down. You might go down for a bit. You might come back up and you are going to learn and grow as a person. And your dream is going to grow in ways that you could have never imagined if these things don't happen.

And there was something really beautiful Milena had shared when we were going through all this is she had, I think it was in a podcast or something you listened to that there was a father who would ask his kids every day, what did you fail at today? And it was so like checking, ⁓ right? We're not going to highlight the successes. We're not going to highlight the things that are validating you in your day. Let's highlight the things that are pushing you to grow, that are pushing you to course correct.

That are pushing you to not tie your worth on anything external yourself, but rather internally. And I thought that was such a beautiful reframe for us in that moment of like, okay, so this is what I feel that today. I failed hard at this today. But that doesn't mean anything about my character, who I am as a person, the creation we've created.

We had a beautiful circle. I still stand by that circle was a beautiful circle, whether nobody showed up and it hasn't been done, it was a beautiful circle and the lessons and the practices and everything that was part of it is going to be still useful information that we could drop into the collective. Yes, we did do it. We did our circle. We did it not the way it was planned, but we still did the circle. There was a lot of tantruming, disappointment, refining our why, dream mapping that still happened in a different format.

Milena (19:25): We did it. We did our circle. And it was wonderful.

Meaghan (19:41): Which I think is also the lesson we're learning in recording this podcast, things are not gonna be flowing the way we intend them to. They're gonna be flowing in the way they're meant to.

Milena (19:50): I do want to add is that in this whole process of gestation of bringing the dream into some type of manifested form is that failure really becomes just this process of building resilience. And this is a, this is truly a human asset. It's a skill, it's a practice to be able to continuously move forward and take steps and stay open in the face of adversity, in the face of failure. And this is really where true resilience is formed. And it is within that where it's like,

You could, and I tend to come back to this and I don't know why I say it and I say it in a very exaggerated way, but it's like you could have everything that you've always thought of, that you've always wanted, get it all and then lose it all and you can still gain it back. Why? Because of who you are. Because of the skills, like the innate capacity that you have created from within yourself. And resilience is one of those skills that will take you so far in life when you are able to really refine this within yourself and to develop the skills, the tools, the resources to be able to support you to move forward so that upon adversity, you're not folding.

And you don't have to freeze, thaw in flight, right? Like you're able to stay present with it. And you're able to give yourself the time and space to slow down, to integrate, to sometimes, know, tantrum and be in the expression of it, but then move forward. It's like, how can we move forward in a way that is at least grasping some form of lesson or understanding or refinement, adjusting moving forward. And that's

Meaghan (21:22): Yeah, you're not collapsing. Mm.

Milena (21:52): Is one of those things that we are here to truly teach and guide and also continue to learn and embody within ourselves because this is what's going to take you to that dream again and again and again in any dream that you are dreaming it is this resilience and this faith and this surrender it's all of these different parts of the same one which is just being in the creative process

Meaghan (22:01): Hmm. I do want to add that part. Of that resilience of being resilient is and holding your feelings holding yourself and not collapsing into the shame, the fawning or any of those fight or flight responses is to extend self compassion to yourself is to extend the compassion and love that, I'm human. like, these feelings are pretty natural and normal for the event that has just occurred. And that is going to support and kind of be underneath that resilience for you to be able to experience what as you're experiencing and not hold on to it, cling to it for dear life and then move on and then learn the lessons you're meant to learn and move forward.

Milena (23:01): Yeah, honestly, I feel like that's the most encompassing way of just explaining this whole process of really truly experiencing failure and deeply sitting with it and the messengers that are within it,

Yeah, just having compassion, having grace also with the process of realizing that when you're starting something new, when you're starting to take steps forward along the path, it's going to be messy action and it's not going to look the way that you may want it to or may hope or expect it to. that's also part of the humbling process of it is letting go of control in each of those moments and having those all be an opportunity for greater surrender it.

Resilience and continuing to move forward in faith for what you are creating. And I do want to, you know, just send an invitation for anyone that is facing any type of failure in their life right now, or just some setbacks or adversity in terms of being able to bring your dream to life and to continue nurturing it is really... taking a moment and sitting with the dream and feeling into your heart, feeling into your why, feeling into what is this anchor that lives within you that is keeping you walking in this path of creation and continuing to nurture this dream from within yourself.

And also within that, letting go, letting go of any control of how this dream is manifesting, of the when, of the why that comes from within it and how it's going to come into form and... when we let go of all of those things, we're able to really step into this place of receptivity and openness and surrender and trusting that whatever comes in this path of creation, that you can show up and trust yourself to have the resilience and adaptability to know how to move forward in a way that best serves you and best serves this dream. And this is one of those things that this is going to develop such a deep feeling of trust within yourself as you go through this process.

Meaghan (25:21): I think it's so lovely how integrated we are on this compared to two nights ago. Let me tell you, we were not talking about it like this two nights ago at all. And that also just speaks, yeah, this speaks to the process of failure, of allowing ourselves to build our resilience and be with the feelings, be with it all, and move forward.

Milena (25:36): I had a horrible day yesterday.

Meaghan (25:54): And not take it as a hit to anything but a learning opportunity, an opportunity for growth of, what are the lessons? Okay, Friday nights might not be a good time. And also we have learned that let's check in with our community. What do you guys want? What times do you want? What are your needs? And that's gonna help us inform and know what steps to be taking moving forward as opposed to kind of just shooting in the dark and hoping we're gonna land on the bullseye.

Milena (26:21): Mm hmm. Well, on that note, I'm feeling complete.

Meaghan (26:28): Mmhmm.

Milena (26:30): And I do just want to say thank you. Thank you for witnessing the messy action. Thank you for witnessing the failures.

As we go through this journey in just such a raw and authentic and embodied way and just allowing ourselves to be witnessed for the sake of also showing all of you guys, you know, that this is part of the process of gestation and we are in it with you. Like we are really truly here supporting and guiding from this place of also being in it and weaving our own dreams and having you all witness that. And I think that there's something really special when we allow

Meaghan (26:58): Mm-hmm.

Milena (27:09): When we allow ourselves and what lights us up to be shared and witnessed by each other. And so, you know, we're here to celebrate your dreams. We're here to support you in weaving your dreams and also getting clear of what that is or what that looks like. And beyond that, we're here to be in the process of bringing the dream forward with you because it can feel crunchy sometimes.

And I'm so grateful that we have each other and it's like, we're here for you guys.

Meaghan (27:34): Very crunchy. Mm-hmm. So on that note...

We would love to invite you into our Venusian Womb Collective where we go deeper with all of this. We will be having two months for free until November 19th for anyone who subscribes to our newsletter to come and join our collective, where we're going to drop practices.



We're going to go deeper with these themes and we're going to be really asking questions and listening to what is it you guys need? What do you want from us? What would be supportive? What would be more helpful as we're moving through these energies because we're we're learning as we go to and we want to know how to best serve all of you as we're supporting you and your dreams as well. So that being said, thanks for listening to this episode. See you next time.

Milena (28:24): Thank you. See you next time.